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If you're thinking you'll always be stuck in loneliness,
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I have an amazing guest who shares practical steps you can take today to help you cope,
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overcome,
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and draw closer to God.
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I'm talking about the lovely Julia Fisk,
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nationally board-certified health and wellness coach,
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functional medicine-certified health coach,
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award-winning author,
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podcaster,
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speaker,
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and creator of the Dear Food program.
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I'm so glad you're joining us today.
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Bye.
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Well, Julia, welcome.
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I'm so excited to have you join us here on From Hardship to Hope today.
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I can't wait for the listeners to hear from you and all you have to share.
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Would you tell us a little bit about what role your faith has played in helping you
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navigate feelings of loneliness and how others can lean on their faith in similar circumstances?
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Yes, hi.
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Well, it's so great to be here today.
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And my faith is everything for me when it comes to loneliness.
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I love the Lord Jesus.
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I have loved Jesus since I was five years old.
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And so one of the verses that has meant something to me from a child,
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even till now,
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is in Matthew 28,
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20,
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when he said,
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Lo,
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I am with you always,
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even to the end of the age.
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And I would cling to that in lonely moments as a youth.
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And
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a teenager and in college and as a young mom,
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just knowing that Jesus is alive and he loves me and he is with me and he promised
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to be with me always and forever.
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So being able to cling to that is an amazing gift as a child of God.
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What a beautiful verse to remind ourselves of the love he has for us.
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Would you share a little bit from your story about a specific moment or season in
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your life when you felt the most isolated?
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Well, I have had several moments in my life where I've felt isolated.
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When I think about it, I think that I can be isolated for different reasons.
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So sometimes I'm isolated because I'm physically stranded in a place with no one
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around and I can't get community.
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And I remember this so well when I was a new mom and my husband and I adopted twins
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who were born at 26 and a half weeks and
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And all of a sudden,
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we got the call that we were chosen to be parents for these beautiful twin girls.
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And we went to the hospital and learned that there was a very traumatic situation
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with their birth and that everything was fine,
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but they weren't eating.
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And so we ended up putting some G-tubes into their bellies before we left the
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hospital because they didn't eat.
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And we went home, and we were at home with new twins, and we were gavage feeding them.
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You put an open tube, and then you pour the milk into their stomach.
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So we had this whole setup for being able to feed the girls, but they also were throwing up.
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And RSV was going around that year, so we couldn't have anybody over.
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So my husband and I were very isolated at home with this very difficult situation.
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challenging and new situation and i remember one of my friends walked in the door
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to say hi and encourage me look at the situation we had plastic on the floor
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because they were vomiting and and we were feeding them and we were crazy and i
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don't think i had slept in weeks and um i'm exaggerating i had slept a little bit
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but and she just she looked she took one look and she walked out
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it wasn't something that she could process at all.
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And that can happen,
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right,
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when we're in a really,
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really traumatic,
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stressful situation of the death of a loved one or a sickness diagnosis,
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or in my case,
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you know,
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care for special needs babies.
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Like people around us, some friends can stay and some friends just can't.
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And that's okay.
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That's their journey.
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And we accept that.
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But
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what do we do when we're so isolated?
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And so my husband and I were together in this, but my friends had kind of disappeared.
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There were a few that were able to help now and then,
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and they would come over and let me take a nap,
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and I'm so thankful to them.
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And what I did was I prayed for God to give me
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some help and some support.
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I asked him, I begged him.
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And this is what I love about the Lord.
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When we ask him for help and we go to him and ask for ideas or resources or something,
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anything,
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Lord,
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and let me see it.
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Let me see that it's you.
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He gave me the idea to go to local NICUs and post a paper that I needed an in-home nurse.
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And I thought, well, that's
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kind of a simple answer, but Lord, could that really work?
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I did.
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I walked over to the local NICU and I asked them if they would post a handwritten
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note that I made on their cork board and
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And we got a call.
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And I'm telling you,
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my husband says to this day,
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if she hadn't cashed our checks,
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we were sure she's an angel.
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This woman was amazing.
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And she was obviously able to handle two at once because that was a challenge that we had.
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She had medical training for emergencies.
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And my husband and I got to sleep.
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And we got to talk and go out on a date.
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And she was amazing.
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So
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We have to figure out like, what are we lonely for?
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What's the cause of our loneliness?
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Because it could be different things.
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And then go to scripture for comfort and then ask God,
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hey,
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can you help me find a solution for this?
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Because I'm out of ideas and I feel bad.
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That's one thing about loneliness is when we're in the midst of it, we're
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We just feel horrible and tired and drained and out of energy.
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And it's hard to muster up what we need to solve our problem.
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But God is available to help us and solve our problem.
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And he can do, oh, my grace is sufficient for you.
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My power is made perfect in weakness, right?
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That Bible verse is so beautiful.
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And he shows up in loneliness to prove that that's true.
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Oh, my goodness.
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I love that.
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I can relate to that a little bit.
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Our daughter was a preemie as well, and she needed surgery.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And so we did have to feed her through a tube for quite some time as well.
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I can only imagine what that would be like with two little ones who need all of that attention.
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Yeah.
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When your friends,
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some were able to help and some weren't,
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were you able to reconnect with those who were unable to just come alongside you
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during that time?
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Or did that interrupt relationship for you?
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Well, that's a very, very important thing.
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Because loneliness can be a cycle if we don't regularly practice forgiveness.
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And I'm not talking about boundaries.
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Like there are people who we need to have boundaries with and they are unsafe to
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have a relationship with.
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But friends who we love, who love us, they have a capacity.
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We all have a capacity to handle certain types of problems.
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They have time constraints.
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And they have their own busy schedules and lives.
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And sometimes we just can't be the priority.
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So in a situation like that,
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where it's a friend who just maybe failed or couldn't,
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forgiveness is vitally important.
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And so I will...
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actively forgive people for not being able to meet my needs and understand that,
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hey,
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you know,
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they have their own needs too.
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And so I have been able to reconnect and just move ahead knowing that
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We're all human.
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And,
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you know,
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there have been times in my life where I have been able to walk with someone
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through something really,
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really,
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really hard.
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And there have been times where I just can't because my heart is hurting and we
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don't know what they're going through and if they actually have the ability to
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emotionally take on my huge thing,
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right?
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So, yeah, that's rough.
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But
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I do think that in a healthy relationship,
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friendship,
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family relationship,
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forgiveness plays a part in loneliness and banishing loneliness because we're
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renewing relationships and we are growing together regardless of each other's imperfections,
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flaws,
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and failures.
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I think that's really beautiful because there are definitely times where we each
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have more capacity.
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I'm so focused on my own struggle or pain that I forget what someone else might be
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walking through and they just may not have that room in their lives to help me in
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my own struggle during that time.
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Yeah, I mean, you're in survival mode.
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And in survival mode, there's a lot of panic.
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There's a lot of stress.
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There's a lot of exhaustion.
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There's so many things.
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And I'm not sure if my friend is also in survival mode for another area because I'm
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really not also not there for her right now because I'm totally focused on me.
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So it's okay.
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Yeah.
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What was amazing to me is who the Lord brought into my life.
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Sometimes it was a surprise.
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I'm like, oh, hello.
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Oh, aren't you a miracle today?
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So you're just being open to who the Lord does bring.
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I love that.
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What an incredible idea he gave you.
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What a gift to have somebody come into your life like that.
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Yeah, the Lord is amazing.
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He is.
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He's so good.
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So how can women in the Christian community support each other when they're dealing
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with loneliness or when they think someone else might be or they themselves are?
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One thing that I've noticed,
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and maybe you've had this experience too,
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is that sometimes I don't know my friend was lonely until after she had resolved
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the problem.
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And I think, oh my goodness, I'm your friend.
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I would have been there.
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I would have come and sat with you.
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But she just didn't ever call and didn't know who to call.
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And so my thought is that when we're lonely,
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part of our responsibility and what we need to do is tell people that we're lonely.
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We don't have to tell everybody.
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And I think that like a post on Facebook,
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it's not enough because we'll get a comment,
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but we aren't necessarily going to get the care that we need.
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But I'm more talking about a one-on-one phone call to people who you think could be
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very helpful and encouraging and
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pray for you.
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So I think the first thing is,
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as the lonely person,
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we can reach out and say,
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hey,
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my dear friend,
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I am feeling so lonely right now.
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And then in terms of being the person on the other end of that phone call,
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what can we do,
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right?
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Because we don't really know, we can't necessarily solve loneliness.
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So for someone else.
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But what we can do is we can maybe give them some suggestions.
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Hey, can I come and sit with you?
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Do you want to go to a movie?
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Do you and I think exploring with our friends.
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What are you lonely for?
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What's the cause of the loneliness?
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So we may be lonely for, our friend may be lonely for different things.
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They might be lonely for a spouse.
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They might be lonely for a fun community group.
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You know, they might be lonely for children that they don't have.
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So what are they lonely for?
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And then what's the cause?
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Is the cause of the loneliness infertility?
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Is the cause of the loneliness that a spouse left?
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Is the cause of the loneliness isolation?
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I just can't get out.
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And then once we start to dig in with our friend and really listen to what's going
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on exactly,
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what the loneliness is,
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Pray about kind of what the cause is.
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And then I would highly recommend at this point to pause on giving suggestions
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because our suggestion might work for us,
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but it might not work for them.
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I remember when I was so lonely with the girls,
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people would say,
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why don't you just go to the store?
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Why don't you just go to the park?
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And I remember...
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Those four words,
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why don't you just,
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became so frustrating to me because I couldn't just do anything.
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I had two babies.
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I couldn't just go to the store.
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Shopping carts aren't made for that.
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So what I would say is next step would be praying together and asking God what he
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thinks might be some great solutions.
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And then asking your friend, hey, as you're praying, what more can I do to help you?
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And so we can definitely step into a person one-on-one and help them.
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Ask help one-on-one so we can still be alone in a big group.
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But one-on-one is a great way.
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I mean, how often have we had no friends and then we got one friend?
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We're like, this is amazing.
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And we can just be that one friend and then work towards a place of how you doing?
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Did you find something?
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Oh,
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another great thing to do is if our friend is lonely and they want to go do something,
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to go with them just as a wingman.
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and say, hey, I'll go with you.
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I have a funny story.
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I really wanted to sort of get out and do something new.
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So I picked up the ukulele and I started to practice the ukulele at home.
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And I was really enjoying it.
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And then I discovered that there is a ukulele club really close to my house.
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And I would love to get involved with other people doing a hobby.
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One of the things that I do is I tend to eat when I'm lonely.
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And I have identified overeating as an unhealthy thing.
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loneliness salve.
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So I try to find something to do with my hands when I'm lonely.
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So I pick up the ukulele and I go to this local ukulele club.
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Walking into that ukulele club by myself was really, really hard.
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And I just really wanted to do it.
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But going there by myself was hard.
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And so maybe it would be great just as a thought if your friend was lonely and
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wanted to do something like a ukulele club or
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I don't know, whatever they wanted to do.
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Just go with them.
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Say, hey, I'll go with you.
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And that way you don't have to walk in alone.
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Maybe you won't ever do ukulele as a hobby,
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but at least for the first time would take some of the edge off.
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You've got my mind spinning because I wanted to play guitar for years and I have
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had it sitting in the corner for a long time.
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I've only gotten as far as jingle bells.
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So maybe I need a guitar club.
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I love that idea.
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A wingman.
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These are such rich, practical tips.
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I love them.
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So how do you balance your need for personal solitude and reflection with the
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importance of being in community?
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That's interesting.
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I am right on the border of introvert extroverts.
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I think technically I'm an, but I recharge like an introvert.
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So I need solitude, but I dread loneliness.
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So there's two very, very different things.
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We can become so busy, right?
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We're so busy that we're lonely and we have no solitude.
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Like we need both.
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I do tackle loneliness intentionally.
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And by going to ukulele clubs or getting to church,
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even when I'm tired,
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you know,
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things like that.
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And I do treasure solitude.
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So solitude for me mostly is just me and God.
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And I will, I have a place and I think a place is important.
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That's what my, because this is what I discovered during COVID.
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I had a place of solitude with the Lord in my home.
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And when COVID hit, like everybody was home and my place of solitude had disappeared.
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And then I was like, what do I do?
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I'm not having any solitude.
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It was then that I realized maybe a specific location regularly that I enjoy for
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solitude matters.
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And so I discovered another place that I really like and it works out for me.
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So I have that place and I have a time that I regularly try to get alone time with the Lord.
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I read the Bible.
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I pray and listen.
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I try to do a lot of listening to see if the Lord has anything for me for the day.
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I do think we need that time.
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And in fact,
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one of the types of loneliness that I've been reading about is existential loneliness.
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It makes me wonder how much are people missing God because in our busyness and in
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this world,
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we really have to deliberately choose him as well.
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Is there anything else you'd like to share that we haven't talked about today?
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Well,
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I would say that when we identify an emotion that is really powerful and painful,
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like loneliness,
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sometimes we don't realize that we are using harmful,
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comforting behaviors.
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So my encouragement would be to figure out healthy emotions
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behaviors that increase community and increase friendship and just that real heart
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need for having someone in our life who cares about us and listens with healthy
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choices and healthy options.
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So for me, I found out that mine was food.
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I was trying to solve my loneliness with food differently.
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Loneliness can cause us to go in any number of different directions to solve it.
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So really back to the solitude and talking to the Lord about, hey, I'm really lonely.
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And I know you were with me forever until the end of the age, but I still feel lonely.
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What can I do that's healthy and helpful for my life to resolve this and work
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towards those things?
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Our flesh and our body may want one thing, may say, go here.
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But our spirit is really what needs to be mended.
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And so what are the spiritual things that can help us fix and mend and heal and grow?
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ourselves in community with friendship and love.
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And that can be a little bit harder to discover.
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It can be a little bit more challenging to do.
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But hey, even though it's hard, it's so worth it.
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And it's long lasting.
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It's meaningful.
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And it can be so beautiful.
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Who knows what we'll discover on our way to finding healthy solutions to loneliness.
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There's a big, huge world out there.
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And the Lord
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knows what we know.
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He also knows what we don't know.
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He can do exceedingly more than we could ever ask or imagine.
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And he can do that in loneliness.
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So I'm so excited that he's done that for me.
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And I know that he can do that for your listener.
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Oh, amen to that.
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Yes, Julia, I love it.
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And I know so many of the listeners are going to want to find you.
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And would you just share a little bit about where they can meet with you and
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definitely mention your book.
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The title is so amazing.
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And please just share a little bit about that so they can reach out.
(00:21:57):
Yeah, I would love to talk to someone who's struggling with loneliness.
(00:22:02):
And you can find me at onesteptowellness.com.
(00:22:07):
On the website, I've got a circle.
(00:22:09):
I have a community called the Dear Food Circle.
(00:22:12):
My book is called Dear Food, I Love You, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.
(00:22:16):
It's a three-workbook series.
(00:22:19):
And actually,
(00:22:20):
the Leader Guide is coming out on March 4th,
(00:22:22):
so it'll be four books,
(00:22:26):
March 4th,
(00:22:27):
2025.
(00:22:28):
And so I am there, and I'm on the community for Circle.
(00:22:33):
I love this platform because I can actually have live rooms with the people who are
(00:22:39):
going through the program and who want to talk to me.
(00:22:42):
So I'm a big...
(00:22:45):
big fan of talking and having community and letting others know where we are so
(00:22:51):
we've got a post board for victories and we've got a post board for failures and oh
(00:22:57):
my goodness the people that come in to support and gather around the people who are
(00:23:02):
feeling like they failed or they're not it's really beautiful so
(00:23:08):
That's what I'm up to.
(00:23:09):
And I would love to see you guys there.
(00:23:12):
Please hop over and visit with Julia.
(00:23:15):
I will plug all of the links and information about your books and where to find you
(00:23:22):
in the episode notes.
(00:23:25):
And Julia,
(00:23:25):
thank you so much for joining me today and for sharing your heart and your wisdom
(00:23:31):
and so many practical strategies that we can all use when we struggle with
(00:23:35):
loneliness because it is a human experience.
(00:23:39):
Oh, thank you for having me and God bless you guys.
(00:23:59):
Lord, I lift up each listener today, not knowing individual circumstances.
(00:24:04):
But Lord, you know exactly what each woman needs.
(00:24:10):
And so God,
(00:24:11):
I just ask that each woman struggling with loneliness today,
(00:24:16):
that she would know,
(00:24:19):
as Julia said,
(00:24:20):
that you are with her even until the end of the age,
(00:24:25):
Father.
(00:24:26):
And I pray that as she seeks you and asks you for solutions, that you would provide them.
(00:24:33):
God,
(00:24:33):
that you would meet her in the place of loneliness,
(00:24:37):
just as you met with each person in Scripture who dealt with loneliness.
(00:24:43):
Whether we're talking about Elijah,
(00:24:46):
Lord,
(00:24:46):
who was alone by the creek,
(00:24:49):
you met him and gave him bread to eat.
(00:24:53):
Lord Jesus.
(00:24:54):
You met with Moses in the desert, Lord, and he heard your small, still voice.
(00:25:02):
And so whether we need physical sustenance,
(00:25:05):
Lord,
(00:25:06):
spiritual food,
(00:25:09):
or relationship with other people,
(00:25:11):
God,
(00:25:11):
I pray that you would be that provider.
(00:25:14):
And God, I just ask, Lord, that each woman would turn to you
(00:25:21):
and that you would be the salve that she needs for her soul.
(00:25:25):
In Jesus' precious and powerful name, amen.
(00:25:29):
Thank you so much for listening today.
(00:25:32):
If this episode was helpful to you,
(00:25:35):
would you please text it to a friend and then leave us a five-star review at Apple
(00:25:42):
Podcasts on From Hardship to Hope.
(00:25:46):
Until next time.
(00:25:58):
Thank you.
All About Julia
Hi, I'm Julia Fikse, Nationally Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach, award-winning author, podcaster and speaker and creator of the Dear Food®Program. I specialize in helping hopeless dieters break food strongholds and get their eating-related victories with Jesus. Plus, I've overcome food addiction and obesity which means I'm able to bring expertise and empathy to the (food) table. Join me and make your personal wellness journey meaningful, joyful, practical and long-lasting at www.onesteptowellness.com.
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